Boundaries as Art

April 15th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Boundaries as Art   

In relationship, boundaries are critical. They demonstrate self-awareness about what you can control, who you are responsible to, what you are responsible for, how much to say, when to leave, etc.

If you have problems with boundaries, you don’t learn them instantly. Some of the most dangerous people are those who think they have boundaries but they are actually boundary-less. They draw lines in the sand. They think boundaries are a science.

They say, or more often shout, things like:

  • Listen to me. Do it this way and you won’t get hurt.
  • I can’t care half-way. If they don’t want what I have to say, I can’t concern myself with them.
  • I have set a boundary on you. You are violating my boundary! 
  • You can’t make me — that’s against my boundary.
  • We have to talk about this. Things have to change.

When you don’t have boundaries, it is important in the beginning to be firm. After you gain confidence in your ability to recognize your boundaries, you can loosen your grip. People who want you to do things their way may be angry, or withdraw, or ask you to explain when you already made your position clear.

Having boundaries is an art. They may be rigid or changing. They may be black & white one day and shades of gray the next. Some will love it and others will hate it.

Boundaries are not about perfection. Be self-aware. Find a good friend who will tell you what you don’t want to hear. Adjust as needed. Live a life of art.