Walking On Eggshells

July 29th, 2014   •   2 comments   

If we actually walk on eggshells, they break. When we try to avoid conflict by walking on eggshells, it breaks down the relationship. Instead of avoiding conflict, it creates a more toxic conflict.

I’ve had people argue, “You don’t understand what it’s like when they get upset.” They’re right. I might not. But, trying to control someone else’s emotions doesn’t work either. It’s only an illusion of control, postponing the problem.

If the person is dangerous, get the hell away from them. If they’re verbally harmful, do the same.

The out-of-control person is generally insecure about feeling loved. Their behavior is counterproductive.

The walking-on-eggshells person is often insecure about feeling conflict. Their behavior is counterproductive.

Walking on eggshells creates emotional distance without physical distance. It feeds insecurity in a person with abandonment fears. Direct communication (not lectures) ultimately calms insecurity.

If talking is too big of a step, try a note or email. Don’t make a list of their faults or things you need from them. Don’t blame them for your inability to do your part. Do tell them about your desire for closeness and how you want to change your own behavior.

Take responsibility for who you want to be.

Limits & Freedom

July 2nd, 2014   •   Comments Off on Limits & Freedom   

When we accept the limits of life, the more freedom we have to live. It’s counter-intuitive.

Without limits or with limits on everything, we have lessened freedom.

The Limitless Life — Say “No” to yourself. If you do whatever you want, whenever you want, you’re gonna spin out of control. Give yourself some limits.

The Limited Life — Say “Yes” to yourself. If you live in fear of failing, looking stupid, or getting hurt, you’re gonna spin out of control. Stop limiting yourself and live.

Great freedom comes when we find the balance between limiting ourselves and letting go and live.