The Golden Rule In Reverse

January 10th, 2016   •   Comments Off on The Golden Rule In Reverse   

Acceptance is desirable and can be elusive.

“You’re the only one that can accept you,” is flawed. Others can accept us regardless. However, if we don’t accept ourselves, we often push others away, judge, don’t trust, or even sabotage ourselves by acting unacceptably.

It’s a crazy cycle, and hard to explain, but I’m gonna try.

We are hurt or angry when we feel unaccepted. In the hope of acceptance, we try to get others to give it to us. “Maybe if I do this, then they will love me or treat me well,” which is basically trying to control or force someone to give us a gift. It’s a gift and up to them if they give it.

It doesn’t work either to more directly cry or scream, “Accept me dammit!” Besides feeling more hurt and angry, the people we’re depending on to make us feel better grow more resentful and exhausted with our neediness.

In other words, we’re not easy to love. Somehow, we have to accept ourselves in order to be able to receive acceptance or give it away.

An inverted version of the Golden Rule reciprocity explains it: Treat ourselves the way we would have others treat us.

When we accept and respect ourselves, we are more lovable (aka: more accepting, less judgmental and needy). Be easier to love. Accept yourself.