Perfectly Human

April 29th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Perfectly Human   

I know. No one’s perfect, but…”

It’s a common expression. We know it’s true. Yet, many of us feel the need to be perfect and work diligently to accomplish the goal.

When perfection is expected, there’s a spectrum of results when we’re hit with the reality that we’re not. One extreme leaves us feeling worthless and shameful. The other end of the spectrum leaves us feeling dominant and prideful.

It’s a life with little peace.

When our goal shifts to being perfectly human, it changes everything.

When being human is expected, there’s a spectrum of results. One extreme leaves us feeling sadness and pain. The other end of the spectrum leaves us feeling joy and exhilaration. Neither end defines us.

It’s a life with great peace.

Accepting our self as human gives the freedom to grow and change. The degree that we offer acceptance to our self is directly related to the acceptance we offer to others.

It’s called love. Perfect.

Boundaries as Art

April 15th, 2013   •   Comments Off on Boundaries as Art   

In relationship, boundaries are critical. They demonstrate self-awareness about what you can control, who you are responsible to, what you are responsible for, how much to say, when to leave, etc.

If you have problems with boundaries, you don’t learn them instantly. Some of the most dangerous people are those who think they have boundaries but they are actually boundary-less. They draw lines in the sand. They think boundaries are a science.

They say, or more often shout, things like:

  • Listen to me. Do it this way and you won’t get hurt.
  • I can’t care half-way. If they don’t want what I have to say, I can’t concern myself with them.
  • I have set a boundary on you. You are violating my boundary! 
  • You can’t make me — that’s against my boundary.
  • We have to talk about this. Things have to change.

When you don’t have boundaries, it is important in the beginning to be firm. After you gain confidence in your ability to recognize your boundaries, you can loosen your grip. People who want you to do things their way may be angry, or withdraw, or ask you to explain when you already made your position clear.

Having boundaries is an art. They may be rigid or changing. They may be black & white one day and shades of gray the next. Some will love it and others will hate it.

Boundaries are not about perfection. Be self-aware. Find a good friend who will tell you what you don’t want to hear. Adjust as needed. Live a life of art.

Both Exist

April 1st, 2013   •   Comments Off on Both Exist   

People we trust do good.

People we trust do bad.

We want to trust them.

We see they are not worthy of our trust.

We care for them deeply, so we hold onto our relationship.

We know they are not safe or good for us.

People do good.

People do bad.

They might change.

They may not change.

Accept who they are, and the relationship for what it is.

Both exist.