Apologizing is about the person who was wronged. It’s about their feelings.
Helpful apology: “I’m sorry. You matter enough to not be treated like that. I’m very sorry.”
Apologizing is not about you. It’s not about your feelings. Don’t ask them to forgive you. Don’t give an explanation for your behavior in the midst of apologizing. Don’t include the word “but” in an apology – ever.
When someone apologizes to you, be a gracious recipient. It’s simple, but it’s not easy to say, “I’m sorry.”
Helpful reply to an apology: “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
Not-helpful reply, that may include any variation of these classic phrases:
If any of those slip out, it’s your turn in the hot seat.
This picture was taken on our Wedding Day 30 years ago, August 21, 1982. We didn’t know then what we know now…we’ve learned about life together.
Here’s a list of just some of the things I have loved about Jeff over our 30 years together…
Looking forward to the years ahead with my best friend….I Love You!
When we accept that others will not always meet our expectations, we can shift them to desires. Knowing that we can’t make others do what we want them to, we choose to change our own perspective.
For too many years in our marriage, I expected that Jeff would want to dance when we went to weddings. He was really very consistent, and I was equally expectant.
We had a consistently crappy time at weddings. Such a waste of how to spend our days!
This picture was sent to us from a wedding we went to this summer. My feet were killing me from too much dancing! I was thrilled!
My desire is to dance and Jeff’s desire is not to dance. When we understand the desires of another, we can freely choose how to treat them.
Expectations set us up to be disappointed. Desires set us up to be thrilled!
We generally want others to make us feel good. It might be our romantic partner, our kid or parent, our friend, our pastor or our boss, or our politicians. We have expectations.
People are human. People fail. If they would just do what we need them to do, if they would just do the right thing, we’d feel better.
Expectations are often unmet. You don’t have a monopoly on pain. We all experience it.
When we don’t face reality, life becomes filled with villains who are out to get us, and superheroes who will rescue us. Whether it’s a nightmare or a fairy tale, it’s an illusion.
We get so lost in illusions of what we want to be true, we can’t tell what is true. We get lost.
Confused or not, we still fight reality: What’s wrong with me expecting this? So, I’m supposed to just give up? I have to just put up with this?
People are generally pissed at suggestions of reality. Regardless, here’s what it means to face reality.