Give & Take

Being independent doesn’t = strength. When we don’t believe we can lean on others, we take care of things alone. We ignore our relational needs and come across as unloving.

Being dependent doesn’t = weak. When we don’t believe we can survive without others, we don’t take care of what we can. We obsess on our relational needs and come across as needy.

Whether relationships have one of each or two of a kind, relationships get messed up.

The independent one becomes more distant as the other person seems too needy, and the dependent one becomes needier as the other person seems more unloving. If both are independent, they quit. If both are dependent, they enmesh. We’re all a little bit of both.

Although it’s a perfect storm for problems, rebuilding is possible.

Interdependence is the goal. We can each survive on our own, and we can each lean on the other. Some days we’ll be available for the other, and some days we won’t have it to give. No scorecard — we’re on the same team.

Great relationships grow in atmospheres of give and take.