I don’t have the power to make another adult feel significant or insignificant. I do have the power to treat them with significance or insignificance.
I don’t have the power to make another adult feel loved or unloved. I do have the power to treat them lovingly or unlovingly.
On the flip side, abusive relationships have an abuser and a victim. Most of us have felt like crap, and we’re fairly certain we didn’t wound ourselves!
So, which is it? Am I responsible for how I feel about myself or are you? Are you responsible for how you feel about yourself or is that my job too?
It’s a principle. It’s a guide. When relationships get stuck, principles help move us out of the confusion.
None of us have the power to change how someone feels about themselves at their core, their identity. Many of us believe we do. We work ourselves into exhaustion and frustration trying to use power that we simply don’t have.
At the same time, many of us believe others have the power to make us feel loved or special. We blame them for making us feel like crap and keep trying to help them get it right, so we can feel better. We make ourselves crazy trying to get someone else to make us feel better about ourselves.
We have power. We aren’t powerless, but we’re not all-powerful. Use your power for good.