Mask of Confidence

Confidence and security are independent. Confident people are often viewed as being secure. However, deep insecurity often hides behind their mask of confidence.

Some wear the mask to the public, but they know it’s a mask and fear being revealed. There is generally deep shame; the fear of what would be revealed is irrational, but they feel the fear deeply. Their self-image is distorted; they believe they are not good enough.

If you reveal seeing the worst things about them and love them anyway, they will push you away initially, “You are wrong about me. I am not good.” When they surrender to being loved, accept themselves as human, they are free to live without the duplicity of the mask.

Some wear the mask to the public AND to themselves, but they believe the mask is who they are. They don’t know who they are without it. Their self-image is distorted; they believe they are somehow special.

If you reveal that you see behind their mask, they will push you away indefinitely, “You are wrong about me. I don’t think I’m better (or insecure). They don’t easily surrender to being loved; they hang out with people who either don’t see the mask or pretend not to see it but judge them for it.

For either category, the spouse has the highest probability of offering the mixture of truth and acceptance they need. Since they often marry one another, one of them has to find the security to take off their mask.