Something Has To Change

December 31st, 2011   •   7 comments   

What do you want to change: a job, a relationship, a lifestyle? The degree of tension between how it is and how you want it to be will influence what you do.

“It’s not that bad.” With a high tolerance for painful situations, this can slip into becoming abusive.

“If I just try this, maybe it will get better.” The process of elimination is a great strategy until it becomes irrational.

“This doesn’t need to be like this. It could be so good if just…” There is injustice in the world.

“I’m not ready.” This can be a really good place recognizing the presence and power of fear that keeps us stuck.

The current situation is familiar although it may be uncomfortable, miserable, or downright painful. The desired situation is uncertain, unknown, or downright scary. Using only emotions, change will happen when the pain of the present becomes greater than the fear of the future.

The problem with using emotions to motivate change is that they are often triggered by past situations as far back as childhood. They shouldn’t be ignored but they also shouldn’t dictate your actions.

Pay attention to emotions. Accept them. Whether you like them or not, the feelings are present; they are not going to change until the current situation does. The emotions aren’t the problem; they are a symptom.

Remember where this started: Something has to change. Once the tornado of emotions is seen for what it is, the work of action can effectively begin.

What’s the first step? You know what it is. Take the step.

“If I do that, then this will happen and then…” If you go down this path of thinking, this is where emotions creep back in to rule the day. We don’t get to know how it will all turn out. We don’t know that we’ll even be alive tomorrow! It is what it is.

Do the next right thing.


  1. Leslie says:

    sorry…got the punctuation backwards there. It’s too early, followed by a long night!!

    • Kathy Guy says:

      I understand. Sometimes there are no good choices.

      I don’t know your situation, but it’s common that when you can only see 2 choices, there’s often a 3rd that includes some adjustment of one or the other. It may not be a good one either, but it is something in between that might be more doable.

      If it would be helpful to talk privately about the specifics, please feel free to contact me.

      ~ Kathy

  2. Leslie says:

    What if you don’t know what the next right step is because both directions cause pain to someone. There is no good alternative? That is my dilemma and it’s a big one.

  3. Kathy says:

    Glad it was helpful! Thanks for letting me know.

  4. Eileen VanderMolen says:

    So well said. What a refresher course to read this. Thanks again for you!!

  5. Leslee says:

    This is so good. Thx for sharing your wisdom!